IN EPIC MELTDOWN, TRUMP CHEWS OVAL OFFICE RUG
Unhinged Tantrum Unnerves Staff
Washington (eTruePolitics) – A bizarre Thursday morning TV appearance by Donald Trump on Fox & Friends reportedly so alarmed White House staffers that scores submitted their resignations today, prompting an epic Trumpian meltdown which included a raging president falling to his knees and vigorously chewing the edge of an Oval Office rug (Persian).
“It was more a gnaw than a chew,” said one observer. “I wish I’d never seen it.”
“The president has no restrictions whatsoever on his dietary choices,” said current White House press secretary Sarah Huckleberry Sanders in quickly prepared formal statement. “He’s also not unglued or fat.”
It is common knowledge in New York that since childhood Trump has frequently “completely lost it,” fallen to his knees and chewed (or gnawed) rugs. The tantrums happened often enough to earn him the unenviable prep school nickname: ‘Karpetmunchen.’
“Everybody called him ‘Karpet’ for short,” said a former New York Military Academy classmate who requested anonymity because he feared for his life.
“Boy, he hated that name.”
illustration by Ray Dougela