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Quick Hits

  • Clarence Thomas will reportedly resign his Supreme Court seat to join My Pillow as Vice-President of Napping. “I’m a fathead and need a firm pillow,” explained Thomas in his lengthiest written statement since joining the Court in 1991.

  • Governor Greg Abbott has signed into law a bill which criminalizes decent behavior of any kind, under any circumstances, within Texas. “Republicans will end decency in the Lone Star State,” vowed Abbott.

  • Book Club Quick Read: “The Wit & Wisdom of Marjorie Taylor Greene”

  • Embattled Republican Rep. George Santos issued a statement today demanding that Marjorie Taylor Greene stop talking to him.  “I can’t afford to be embarrassed,” explained Santos.

  • A Saturday night rally in New York City supporting Rep. George Santos was dispersed without incident by the NYPD. “Neither of them had their hearts in it,” said one patrolman.


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