Quick Hits

  • The Flat Earth Society expels Ginni Thomas. “We can’t afford to be embarrassed,” says spokesman.

  • Governor Greg Abbott has signed into law a bill which criminalizes decent behavior of any kind, under any circumstances, within Texas. “Republicans will end decency in the Lone Star State,” vowed Abbott.

  • All women are human beings. Marjorie Taylor Greene is a woman. Hence, Marjorie Taylor Greene is a human being. (Warning: The claims contained in this syllogism have been known to cause vomiting.)

  • A demonstration outside Dallas Cowboys Stadium supporting embattled team owner Jerry Jones was dispersed peacefully Thursday afternoon by Dallas Police, eTruePolitics has learned. “Neither of their hearts were in it,” said a patrolman.

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