Governor Greg Abbott has signed into law a bill which criminalizes decent behavior of any kind, under any circumstances, within Texas. “Republicans will end decency in the Lone Star State,” vowed Abbott.
World’s Shortest Book: “The Wit & Wisdom of Marjorie Taylor Greene”
Embattled Republican Rep. George Santos issued a statement today demanding that Marjorie Taylor Greene stop talking to him. “I can’t afford to be embarrassed,” explained Santos.
A Saturday night rally in New York City supporting Rep. George Santos was dispersed without incident by the NYPD. “Neither of them had their hearts in it,” said one patrolman.
Clarence Thomas will reportedly resign his Supreme Court seat to join My Pillow as Vice-President of Napping. “I’m a fathead and need a firm pillow,” explained Thomas in the lengthiest written statement he has issued since joining the Court in 1991.