by Frank Coffey
Washington (eTruePolitics) – Following a rigorous morning denouncing Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Leslie Stahl, Benjamin Netanyahu and Kristen Welker, Donald Trump sprained his right temporomandibular joint Friday afternoon while aggressively chewing a large slice of red velvet cake, eTruePolitics has learned.
“He scarfed it up,” said a WH staffer who requested anonymity because he feared for his life. The injury reportedly occurred just moments after the 74-year-old’s lunch plate was removed.
“For a big man, he moved fast on that cake,” a campaign aide told eTruePolitics. “The slice was huge, they always are. And it’s like he’s inhaling, not eating. Pretty gross actually, but we’re used to it.”
Trump press secretary Kaleigh McEnany denounced reports that the plump president’s voracious eating style caused the injury, which is said to be painful.
“President Trump has no problem whatsoever controlling ANY of his appetites,” declared McEnany. “For example, he has never once touched any of my private parts.”
Photo courtesy of Moral Desert magazine.