Note to readers: We regret that reporter Frank Coffey’s deeply researched piece turned out to be incorrect but applaud his work ethic and pluck. After the news that Linda McMahon would in fact be Trump’s nominee as Education Secretary, Mr. Coffey contacted the sources who provided the original information upon which his story relied. “White, McMahon? No difference!” was their collective response including one executive who said there wasn’t a “pubic hairs difference” between White and McMahon. Reporters have to make tough calls regarding the veracity of their sources; the editorial board at eTruePolitics continues our warm and full throated support for Mr. Coffey.
Washington (eTruePolitics) – President-elect Donald Trump will nominate Dana White, head of the global mixed martial arts organization Ultimate Fighting Championship, to be U.S. Secretary of Education, eTruePolitics has learned. White dropped out of two colleges both in his first semester. “You can’t learn nothing from history, that’s what I learned in college,” White has said in numerous interviews.
Few details of White’s plans for the Education Department have been revealed, though the UFC honcho is on record as saying he favors mandatory mixed martial arts bouts in American classrooms beginning in the first grade. “We’ll fight right after Bible study,” said White who had harsh words for MMA critics who denounce the matches as “human cock fighting” and “barbaric.”
“We think kids will love watching other kids smash one another in the face … and then get their first tattoos,” said White, who explained that with a signed, notarized letter from both parents, children under 6 would not be required to get tattooed.
“American students are under assault by homo/atheist/Commies whose only goal is to raise a nation of pussies,” White explained. “UFC’s main goal is to toughen up America’s students who have been coddled for decades by liberal bedwetters creating a generation of weaklings.”
White denied that his agency would penalize students who didn’t embrace his new curriculum. “If any student chooses not to learn about tattoos we will, of course, be very sad,” vowed White. “But no one will be beaten up for their academic choices.”
Sources close to president-elect say Trump wants Mixed Martial Arts to be officially named The National Pastime, replacing baseball. “He knows they’ll be a bunch of whining and crying from the pussy libs about this decision,” growled an aide. “For now, he’s waiting. And Mr. Trump don’t like to wait.”
Photo courtesy of dw.com
