New York (eTruePolitics) – Following today’s booking in the Fulton County Jail, Rudy Giuliani flew back to his native New York where he immediately relocated his law offices to a “convenient and affordable” location according to a subdued Giuliani spokesperson. The former New York City mayor is reportedly in dire financial straits and apparently will not be getting any help from fellow co-defendant Donald Trump, who today replied “Rudy who?” to shouted media questions.
It was only a matter of minutes before Giuliani was observed soliciting clients from a Central Park bench.
“So far, nada,” a smirking park employee told eTruePolitics.
Trump’s abandoning of the relentlessly-loyal Giuliani is said to be linked to the lawyer’s notoriously poor table manners. “Rudy chews with his mouth open especially when he’s loaded which is pretty much all the time,” confided a former aide. “Beyond gross and President Trump, the most fastidious of men, couldn’t take it anymore.”
By all accounts the indictment has sent Giuliani into a “real tizzy,” another aide said, speaking on condition of anonymity because he feared for his life.
“I’ve never seen a grown man cry like that. I didn’t even know he had tear ducts.”
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela