Moscow, Kyiv (eTruePolitics) – EXCLUSIVE:  Russian President Vladimir Putin is set to name former U.S. president Donald Trump to the newly formed position of King of Ukraine as soon as Russia completes its coup of the Eastern European nation, according to Kremlin sources.

Aides to Trump say he likes ‘the sound of the title’ but is reluctant to relocate from South Florida since reports surfaced that severe Diet Coke shortages are sweeping across Europe’s beleaguered second-largest nation.

“Old people tend to worry,” said a source close to Putin, “but when Donald become King he get his Diet Coke in vats, no worries.”

“Melania ain’t going to the Ukraine, I can tell you that,” one aide to the former First  Lady told eTruePolitics.

Mrs. Trump’s intransigence could actually tip the former president into taking the King of Ukraine job.

“Her accent bugs the shit out of him,” explained another Trump aide.



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