Washington, D.C. (eTruePolitics) – “Donald Trump’s permanent tan is the result of good genes,” a White House staffer – who requested anonymity because she couldn’t keep a straight face – told eTruePolitics in announcing the rollout of Donald Trump’s Executive Time Presidential Tanning Beds, a line of premium sunbeds for “busy white men who don’t have time to go outdoors.”
The current U.S. president, according to The Independent, tops off his increasingly-orange complexion by slathering his face with bronzing lotions and spending countless hours on a sunbed in order to look his best on television. That led to Mr. Trump’s idea of for the “Executive Time Presidential Tanning Bed” line.
An indignant Sarah Huckleberry Sanders, the formidable White House communications staffer, denounced criticism of the president’s sunbed venture, explaining that ETP Tanning Beds would be a boon to many older Americans.
“The President knows first hand how sleep deprivation can lead to mental impairment in the elderly,” said Sanders. “Thanks to the Executive Time Presidential Tanning Bed the President’s beautiful, burnished skin is something every American can take pride in,” Sanders added.
“And why shouldn’t he make a buck? The whole thing is his idea.”
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela