olympic bagels

Moscow (eTruePolitics) – In a strongly worded statement, Russian president Vladimir Putin demanded today the Olympic Games’ iconic ring symbol be immediately replaced. Surprising many, Putin claimed the revered symbol looks like five interlocking bagels, a round baked bread product associated with Jewish delis and bakeries.

“Vladi thinks the bagel rings are a big American/Israeli inside joke, a deliberate FU to Russia,” said a longtime Putin confidante who requested anonymity before speaking to eTruePolitics because he feared for his life.

Putin pointed out that more bagels are consumed in New York and Tel Aviv than anywhere in the world and publicly blamed the United States and Israel for pressuring the Olympic ring designers to subtly change the rings to more closely resemble bagels.

A Russian government spokesman denied Putin had any “problems” with Jewish baked goods.

“The President simply doesn’t enjoy bagels and doesn’t think they should be used to represent the International Olympic movement at the 2016 Olympic games in Rio.

“Personally, Mr. Putin prefers bialies,” the spokesman added. “Less doughy.”