by Frank Coffey
New York (eTruePolitics) – Another day, another meltdown. “SAD AND NOT FUNNY!” wrote current president Donald Trump in a late-night tweet denouncing the “VICIOUS SO-CALLED JOKE” that he planned to replace ‘Hail to the Chief’ as the official United States Presidential Anthem with ‘Heil to the Tweeter.’
According to sources, upon learning of the leaked plan the president threw himself on the floor and began vigorously gnawing on a (Persian) rug, a common habit since childhood.
“We call him ‘karpetmunchen’,” said one aide. “But it’s sort of not funny when you see it.”
“”Mr. Trump’s amazing self-awareness once again served him well in overcoming a crisis,” said embattled press secretary Kaleigh McEnany in denying the carpet noshing rumor.
“After learning about this disgusting leak, President Trump did some controlled breathing which he enjoys more than Zazen meditation, then ate a big piece of Red Velvet cake, drank a glass of milk, and by 4 a.m. he was in bed.
“His calm demeanor and awesome savoir faire was amazing to behold,” added McEnany.