Rome (eTruePolitics) – And now, watch the Southern Baptists proliferate.

In a surprising announcement today Pope Francis ordered the excommunication of all GOP politicians and voters who call themselves Catholic. “They are non-existent to me,” said the Pope about the GOP, “which means my life just improved.

“Granted,” the Holy Father told reporters, “the Church has been through a rough patch for the last 800 years or so what with the Inquisition, the wink and nod to Hitler, and centuries of our clergy molesting children, but Donald Trump is the last straw.

“Honestly, I thought we needed a Hail Mary,” the Pontiff said, “and mass Trump supporter excommunication just seemed right.”

The Pontiff shared a rare personal note before leaving the stunned reporters.

“I know my decision means Southern Baptists will proliferate. I don’t care.”

 

 

Reporting by special correspondent John Nelson. Photo illustration by Ray Dougela