by Frank Coffey –

Washington (eTruePolitics) –  Hours after a ham-handed attempt to derail the $2 trillion bi-partisan economic stimulus package, Kentucky congressman Thomas Massie abruptly resigned from the U.S. House of Representatives today. In a written statement, Massie said he was abandoning his political career to pursue an “attractive offer in the private sector.”

According to sources in Boone County, part of Massie’s 4th congressional district, Massie will become the new spokesman for Discount Hairpiece Emporium in Rabbit Hash, Kentucky. The fall from congressman to spokesman for a rural toupee parlor with the motto “Our rugs may look like roadkill, but they’re a great value” was met stoically by his fellow Kentucky Republicans.

“Tommy’s where he ought to be, stimulating hair,” said Rand Paul, who denied he was promised a free wig from DHE for issuing a statement of support for Massie.

“Massie’s laughable, ” added Senator Mitch McConnell. “And I don’t like laughable.”



Photo illustration by Ray Dougela