Washington (eTruePolitics) – Longtime Trump surrogate John Barron (also known as John Miller) claimed today that the voice said to be Donald Trump’s on the just revealed Michael Cohen tapes is in fact his own, eTruePolitics has learned.

“We’re from New York, we sound a lot alike,” explained Barron, a boyhood friend of the current president who is often called ‘Invisible Man’ by the media for his below-the-radar presence in Washington.

Press secretary Sarah Huckleberry Sanders, in a written statement, congratulated Barron for stepping forward “just in time to clear up this big fakey news.”

Republicans rushed to Trump’s defense.

“The president hates talking on the phone, everybody knows that,” snarled congressman Jim Jordan to a group of reporters. Jordan was apparently out of sorts after chants of “scum” repeatedly interrupted his attempt to read a denial of charges that he covered up sexual crimes while he was an Ohio State wrestling coach.


Photo illustration by Ray Dougela