New York (eTruePolitics) – With their National Convention in a deep financial hole, Republicans finally received some good news today when WME-IMG, the Hollywood talent agency and new owner of the mixed martial arts organization Ultimate Fighting Championship, announced the UFC would be a major sponsor of their upcoming convention.
A Democratic spokesperson quickly denounced the UFC as “a despicable and brutal disgrace that has no place in the 21st century.”
“We are thrilled to have the UFC as a partner,” said the Trump campaign in a statement which also called for MMA fighting to be named America’s new National Pastime.
“We believe delegates – especially angry, drunk delegates – will enjoy seeing people pounding other people into senseless pulps,” said a Trump spokeswoman. “It will be a good break from the boring speeches.”
UFC president Dana White, a long-time Trump supporter, said the nightly Convention format would feature a series of “MMA mini-fights” interspersed with speeches. White said that all floor delegates would receive, at no charge, Trump For America bibs to protect against flying blood, teeth and tissue.
A source close to Trump’s campaign director, Paul Manafort, said the long-time ‘go-to’ lobbyist for foreign dictators was a “bit taken aback” by criticism from The Society For Decency which called Republicans “morally bankrupt for profiting from the pornography of violence.”
“Why would we be ashamed of cashing in by appealing to the worst violent instincts of our fellow human beings?” the perplexed Manafort asked.
Frank Coffey is the author of the humor books "The Complete Idoit's Guide for Dumies" (Ten Speed Press), "The All Time Baseball Teams Book" (St. Martin's Press), and "The Wit and Wisdom of George Steinbrenner (New American Library)," and "The Anti-Everybody Joke Book" (PaperJacks). As an editor, packager and writer he has over 200 books on his resume, including four novels; has written for television and film, and been a book, newspaper and magazine editor. His name, Frank Downs Coffey, is a sentence.