Mountain View, CA (eTruePolitics) – Jack Dorsey stunned Silicon Valley and Wall Street today with the announcement that Twitter, in its present incarnation, no longer exists.

“I’ve decided to revamp the image of Twitter to better match what it has become in the last few years.” Dorsey stated. “Sure, it started out as a social online gathering place for everyone, but really our company is about Trump and Trump only at this point. Why hide it?”

The new name, “Trumper” with a stylized yellowish logo of the famed Trump comb-over will be unveiled on September 1st.

“We still have lots to do before the transition is complete, including new hats and t-shirts for our employees which takes time and money,” said Dorsey.

“But thanks to Ivanka Trump, we’ve connected with some GREAT Chinese manufacturers who will make stuff faster and for a shitload less money.

“Trumpeting America will always be Trumper’s one and only goal,” added Dorsey.