Washington (eTruePolitics) – Ship Trump Play-Doh to detention centers? A very bad idea. Hastily called press conferences? Worse.

With growing calls from both sides of the political aisle for an investigation into delivery of “tens of thousands” of Trump-branded boxes of ‘Play-Doh’ modeling compound to immigration centers on the Texas Mexican border, a distraught Donald Trump, Jr., CEO of Trump Play-Doh Industries, announced that all future profits from ‘TPD’ would be donated to “immigrant poor kids.”

Stumbling frequently over his words, a disheveled and gaunt Trump, Jr. described the last week as “a nightmare for the Trumps,” adding “We are not pigs.”

In an early morning tweet, current president Donald Trump defended the Trump Play-Doh venture: “I heard they needed dough at the Mex border. Trump Play-Doh cheers kids up, and eventually puts money in their parents’ pockets. Everyone happy. Except LIBS and HILLARY CLINTON. SAD!”

Reporting and illustration by Ray Dougela