Palm Beach, FL (eTruePolitics) – Former president Donald Trump’s wife Melania Trump’s daring escape attempt from months-long confinement at the Mar-a-Lago Club was thwarted by the Proud Boys’ elite security forces early Thursday morning, eTruePolitics has learned.  The disheveled former first lady was captured as she emerged from a poorly disguised tunnel exit on the Club’s putting green.

“I vant(sic) only go home, vas(sic) so klose(sic),” sobbed the Slovenian expatriate as she was dragged away by Mar-a-Lago’s heavily-armed-and-tattooed Proud Boys border patrol.

Well, not that klose. The tunnel, reportedly dug by loyal aides and designed by Mrs. Trump, was actually several hundred yards short of a newly erected concrete-lined trench surrounding the former resort.

“Worst escape tunnel ever,” said a Palm Beach police officer who witnessed the incident.

There were no reports that Mrs. Trump planned to include her 15-year-old son Barron in the escape.

“He’s a Trump male and not worth saving,” said a source knowledgeable about the former fashion model’s thinking.


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