Beijing, China, Frankfort KY (eTruePolitics) – Republican senator Mitch McConnell and wife Elaine Chao, U.S. Secretary of Big-Ships-Owned-by-Daddy, quietly announced a complex deal to sell the state of Kentucky to the Chinese government today. The newest Chinese province will be renamed “Hongtucky.”
“Kentucky isn’t worth much anyway and my father-in-law, um… China, made us a fair offer,” said McConnell denying rumors that Mrs. McConnell’s billionaire shipping oligarch father was involved in the deal.
Asked about changing the state name to Hongtucky, Chao, in her first visit to Kentucky since her 1993 marriage to McConnell, explained “Hong means ‘a commercial establishment or house of foreign trade in China.’ We threw in the ‘tucky’ part to give our moron rednecks a little connection to their past.”
Hongtucky is expected to sell horses as well as aluminum from Rusal, a Kentucky-based, Russian government-backed company known for its malign influence on international markets.
“China loves horses and aluminum so it’s perfect,” added McConnell who said he didn’t think the language barrier would be a problem for Hongtucky.
“Kentuckians can barely speak English anyway,” explained McConnell, “Chinese uses lots of pictures instead of letters, how hard could it be?”
Reporting and photo illustration by Ray Dougela
