Washington, Moscow (eTruePolitics) – “The Case of the Missing Toupee?” Doesn’t sound like Dostoyevsky, but does involve Russians complete with a dark and complicated plot currently unfolding during the Impeachment Trial of Donald J. Trump, current president. Of the United States.

You see, Rand Paul, in the midst of the greatest political moment of his political career, is missing his ever-present toupee and the embarrassed Senator is accusing long-time friend Russian president Vladimir Putin of stealing it. Though it reads like bad fiction, The New York Times is corroborating Paul’s account with photographic evidence. To make matters worse when Paul spoke on Thursday at the Trump Impeachment Trial he did so without his usual rug, provoking audible titters from a chamber full of politicians who were legally obligated to remain silent.

A relaxed Putin told the The Times who said he was in frequent contact with Paul and denied he stole his hairpiece. “I do think I look groovy,” said Putin.

“I think I look bald,” said an agitated Paul, who demanded the media stop referring to him as ‘Red Rand’ and asked for the immediate return of his toupee which he  feared could be damaged.  “It has to be professionally cleaned like a regular rug, very expensive” said Paul. “I’m not kidding.”

“I tell my friend,” Putin said, “sharing is good and that we are rug rats together forever.”


Photo illustration by Ray Dougela