Washington (eTruePolitics) – The White House has released its first statement following the sudden disappearance of Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell following an alarming poll from Rasmussen, a conservative pollster, that found 98% of Americans believe McConnell is holding  up gun safety legislation because he doesn’t care about other human beings.

“He was sobbing uncontrollably when they led him away,” said one aide who requested anonymity because she feared for her life. “I didn’t even know he had tear ducts.”

“Despite appearances, Leader McConnell is a feeling person,” said White House spokesperson Kellyanne Conway. “Maybe he even feels too much, but probably not. Certainly president Trump and his wife are praying that Mitch is safe and that his sobbing has receded.

“The president especially wants to thank Dr. Ben Carson for volunteering to do an emergency craniotomy if the carrying on continues much longer.”




Photo illustration by Ray Dougela