Washington, D.C. (eTruePolitics) – Even as the FBI mounts an “intensive” nationwide search for the author of a threatening note delivered to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, the White House took the unprecedented step of denying current president Donald Trump’s involvement in the potential crime.
“There were no spelling errors in the note,” snarled Trump surrogate Kellyanne Conway, “but do you see the mainstream media reporting that?”
Furthermore, an irate Conway contended that the president’s blunt tip student scissors, which he often uses during his daily extensive executive time, were confiscated last week by first lady Melania Trump making it “impossible” that Trump had any hand in creating the note.
“Melania’s loves her husband very much,” said Conway. “Next question?”
Since the note was signed – ‘Son of Fred’ – an FBI spokesman said the agency had a “high degree of confidence” that an arrest would happen shortly.
“We urge Fred’s Son to peacefully turn himself into the FBI,” said the spokesman, who called on the public to immediately report anyone acting suspiciously (e.g. running with scissors) with a father whose name is ‘Fred’ or ‘Frederick.’
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela