New York (eTruePolitics) – After an early-bird supper, current president Donald Trump sprained his right temporomandibular joint late Wednesday afternoon while aggressively chewing a large slice of Red Velvet cake, eTruePolitics has learned. The painful jaw injury reportedly occurred moments after the 70-year-old’s dinner plate was removed.
“I’ve never seen a grown man cry that hard,” added a WH staffer who requested anonymity because he feared for his life.
It’s an open secret to the media covering Trump that the tubby former mogul is obsessed with dessert, especially Red Velvet cake.
“The slices are huge. And it’s like he’s attacking, not eating. It’s pretty gross,” one journalist told eTruePolitics.
Trump spokesperson Kellyanne Conway, rumored to be on shaky ground, jumped aggressively to the plump mogul’s defense.
“Mr. Trump has no problem whatsoever controlling any of his appetites,” said Conway.
“For example, he has never once touched any of my private parts.”
Editor-in-chief Frank Coffey is the author of the critically praised humor books The Complete Idoit's Guide for Dumies (sic), The All Time Baseball Teams Book, and The Wit and Wisdom of George Steinbrenner, as well as grownup books like 60 Minutes: 25 Years of Television's Finest Hour. He is the author of four novels, has written for television and movies, and been a book, newspaper and magazine editor.
Art Director Ray Dougela was born and raised in Connecticut and graduated from the University of New Hampshire, where he studied drawing, painting, sculpture, photography, furniture design, bronze casting and the fine art of juggling. Raybird Design's clients have included ESPN, HBO, Rolling Stone, The New Yorker, ABC, Disney, Warner, Turner Entertainment, Bodacious Records and Jose Cuervo.