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New York (eTrueSports) – In an about-to-be-released press statement, Donald J. Trump will announce a ban on Phil Mickelson at all Trump-owned courses, including those “in Scotland and other foreign countries,” sources told eTrueSports.

“Folks, there’s a reason why everybody calls him ‘Lefty’,” Trump reportedly said. “Believe me, Commies don’t make the cut in Trump world.”