TRUMP NAMES PUTIN TO REPLACE MATTIS AS SECRETARY OF DEFENSE; PLANS TO BOMB HILLARY CLINTON’S HOME DENIED
Washington D.C. (eTruePolitics) – In a surprising move, current president Donald Trump named Russian president Vladimir Putin to replace outgoing James Mattis as United States Secretary of Defense, eTruePolitics has learned. Trump called reports that Putin would also be named acting U.S. president “phonier than Melania’s boobs.”
Trump also denied that Putin has all ready submitted a plan to carpetbomb Hillary Clinton’s home in Chappaqua, New York.
“Vladi is a great leader and lender,” said Trump “but I make all the military decisions about who to attack.”
“Nyetski,” quipped Putin who in a long, rambling press statement said he had no plans to run for American political office while suggesting that Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, currently the president of Turkey, would be an “ideal” running mate for “anyone in any country.”
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela