HUMILIATED PENCE TO RESIGN. VP WILL TAKE POSITION WITH MCDONALD’S IN COLUMBUS, INDIANA
Washington, D.C., Columbus, IN (eTruePolitics) – Rumors abounded through Washington today that a “humiliated” and increasingly angry Mike Pence could resign the vice-presidency “really, really soon,” according to a source who requested anonymity because he feared for his life.
The shocking news followed a poorly received series of Pence media appearances said to have infuriated the current president. Sources close to Pence say the vp will take a position with McDonald’s in his home town of Columbus, Indiana as soon as next week, creating an immediate problem for the company’s upper management. Columbus has three McDonald’s but only one famous native son.
“I’m a hard worker but I can’t be in three places at the same time,” an irritated Pence reportedly snapped at senior aides, before learning that a plan will be implemented allowing him to spend mornings at the downtown 3rd St location and then rotate between the franchises on N. National Road and Jonathan Moore Pike.
“This is a dream come true for Mikey,” said one senior staffer, “he loves to drive around. And McDonald’s is a perfect fit.”
“As long as they’re not about sex, dreams are good,” said Pence.
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela