HUMILIATED MIKE PENCE WILL RESIGN VICE-PRESIDENCY TO TAKE A POSITION WITH MCDONALD’S IN COLUMBUS, INDIANA
Washington, D.C., Columbus, IN (eTruePolitics) – A humiliated and increasingly angry Mike Pence could resign the vice-presidency “really soon,” according to a source with knowledge of the VP’s thinking who requested anonymity because he feared for his life.
The shocking news followed a White House meeting between current president Donald Trump, Pence, incoming House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer during which the VP was both motionless and speechless – for which he is now being mercilessly mocked on social media.
“It was like watching ‘Weekend at Bernies,'” said former Republican strategist Steve Schmidt, referring to the 1989 film starring a dead character no one notices is deceased. Sources close to Pence say the embarrassed VP is so furious that he has decided to take a position with McDonald’s in his home town of Columbus, Indiana as soon as next week.
“Mike really hates Trump a lot,” a longtime Pence aide told eTruePolitics. “And quitting and walking off the job right now will embarrass the president like no other president has ever been embarrassed. It’s perfect.”
Pence’s imminent employment has all ready caused problems. Columbus, Indiana has three McDonald’s but only one famous native son.
“I’m a hard worker but I can’t be in three places at the same time,” an irritated Pence reportedly snapped at senior aides, before learning that a plan will be implemented allowing him to spend mornings at the downtown 3rd St location and then rotate between the franchises on N. National Road and Jonathan Moore Pike.
“This is a dream come true for Mikey,” said one senior staffer.
“As long as they’re not about sex, dreams are good,” added Pence.
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela