NEW YORK (eTrueSports) – According to press reports the U.S. Children’s Alliance, an advocacy group, called on TBS to not show close-ups of North Carolina basketball coach Roy Williams’ face during Monday’s NCAA championship game.
“Snarling scares kids,” the organization said in a sternly worded letter to TBS.
In a related story Williams has signed with Alpha Books to pen The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Whining.
“I’ve been an unpleasant crybaby all my life,” explained Williams.
New York (eTrueSports) – Trump fans, relax. Panic buttons off. The Donald’s recent dramatic weight gain, which has thousands of his fans deeply concerned about his health, is all part of the mogul’s latest dazzling pr stunt: winning Nathan’s Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest on July 4th.
Trump is in training, consuming over 10,000 calories a day, primarily with hot dogs and Goldenberg peanut chews. His only exercise is masticating.
“I’m fat and getting fatter and I will win,” said Trump.
When a pesky reporter pointed out that the two previous Nathan champs, Joey Chesnut and Matt Stonie, are slimly built, Trump responded with a profanity.
Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, the world series of tube steak consumption, is held every year on July 4th on Coney Island; Stonie is the defending champ, downing 62 hot dogs in ten minutes to win 2015 honors.
“I can beat that easy,” claimed Trump. “I’m a total pig.”