TRUMP NAMES NEW NRA PRESIDENT OLIVER NORTH AMBASSADOR TO IRAN
Washington, D.C. (eTruePolitics) – Current president Donald Trump today named Oliver North, the new president of the National Rifle Association (NRA), as United States Ambassador to Iran, re-establishing diplomacy between the two countries after 40 years.
“Believe me, Colonel North is a fantastic multi-tasker,” said Trump, apparently referring to North’s role in the infamous Reagan-era Iran Contra affair working with large-scale cocaine traffickers to provide weapons to the notorious Contra rebels while serving as a National Security Council official. For his actions North was found guilty on three felony counts – including deceiving Congress and receiving an illegal gratuity.
“Ollie’s such a patriot, he’s not even taking a salary this go around,” added Trump.
North, who actually sold weapons to Iran as part of the infamous Iran-Contra scandal, is expected to resume his entrepreneurial activities from his new post in Tehran. “You always want to be close to your buyers,” North explained to eTruePolitics.
“You can’t spell Iran without N, R, A,” said North.
Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, North’s titular new boss, denied there was any plan to bomb Iran and then subsequently sell the country’s Revolutionary Guard weapons to defend themselves.
“Bombing Iran back to the stone age is not on the table right now,” Pompeo said emphatically.
“But if that should happen, we certainly will not sell them any weapons. Who in God’s name would want to profit from war?”
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela