Boston (eTrueSports) – A just released Harvard Medical School study, using the Standard Beignet IQ test, has found that prolonged exposure to the information ticker (or crawl) on MLB TV’s baseball broadcasts “dramatically reduces” cognitive function across all age and gender groups.

“The troubling news,” said Dr. Arnold Rump, the study’s lead researcher, “is that the U.S.’s already alarming intelligence gap between men and women could grow into a chasm if the sports ticker crisis isn’t addressed.”

Rump called for a “total nationwide ticker ban across all screens” to protect the country’s vulnerable male population from a potentially “catastrophic IQ loss in the next decade.”