TRUMP ANNOUNCES NEW REPLACEMENT FOR JOHN KELLY
Washington, D.C. (eTruePolitics) – Following news that Nick Ayers, vp Mike Pence’s chief of staff, had turned down his offer, current president of the United States Donald Trump announced today he was replacing fired chief of staff John Kelly with longtime pal and alter ego, John Barron.
“Kelly chews with mouth open,” Trump explained. “Disgusting!”
Nick Ayers is a brilliant young man,” said Trump, “but his table manners aren’t strong.”
Trump dismissed rumors that first lady Melania Trump was feuding with Barron and had lobbied hard against his appointment. “I’m president,” explained Trump.
“Melania doesn’t like fat people,” said a White House staffer. “I don’t see how this works.”
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela