JOE DIGENOVA’S REFUSAL TO DIVEST HIMSELF OF LUCRATIVE HAIR PLUG BUSINESS SAID TO END HIS LEGAL REPRESENTATION OF CURRENT PRESIDENT
Washington, D.C. (eTruePolitics) – Joe diGenova, President Trump’s proposed new criminal defense attorney, was unceremoniously dumped Sunday morning by the current president just days after his appointment following mounting calls from congressional Democrats and Republicans that he divest himself from a lucrative hair plug business he co-owns with his wife Victoria Toensing. DiGenova reacted angrily to the decision.
“The Mrs. and I built Joey D’s Hair Plug System one follicle at a time into one of the world’s great advanced hair loss companies,” said diGenova, “and we will never sell the company, nor compromise our commitment to providing quality, inexpensive hair restoration for millions of people who can afford it.
“This is a sad day for America,” said diGenova. “I was ready to serve my country, and was not positioning myself to make money on hair plugs as some have claimed.”
The combative diGenova, who has accused top FBI officials of a criminal plot during the campaign to frame Trump and deprive him of his “constitutional rights,” and four days ago called FBI head Christopher Wray a “coward” and an “embarrassment,” surprised many when he announced following his appointment by Trump that Joey D’s Hair Plug’s would offer steep discounts to hair challenged rank and file FBI agents.
“You have to play along to get along,” diGenova had explained with a broad wink, adding that current president Trump was not a Joey D’s client.
“He’s got his own system, which works good for him,” said diGenova.
“Even though we won’t be his lawyers, of course, we’d be proud to have president Trump as a client,” quickly interjected Toensing, the company’s COO.
Joey D’s Hair Plug System was set up in Delaware as an LLC by Trump’s longtime personal lawyer, Mickey Cohen, who, diGenova joked, “needs to be a client very soon.”
The company has not been without controversy, and is currently defending itself in a class action suit brought by angry customers alleging that “Joey D’s” made false claims about the system’s effectiveness. The suit alleges that hair plugs are a potentially dangerous and outdated technology long since replaced by far more effective and safer hair transplants.
“Plug this, Joey,” said one angry 28-year old client. “I was thinning, now I don’t have a single hair on my head.”
“No one calls me a ‘fraudster and weasel,’ and gets away with it,” commented diGenova.
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela