“TRADE WARS ARE GOOD, AND EASY TO WIN.” SCORES OF WHITE HOUSE STAFFERS SET TO ABANDON UNGLUED TRUMP
Washington (eTruePolitics) – Tipping point? A Donald Trump middle-of-the-night tweet saying that “trade wars are good, and easy to win” reportedly so alarmed White House staffers that scores of them today submitted their resignations to chief of staff John Kelly. When news of the mass resignations reached the current president, a raging Trump fell to his knees to chew the Oval Office carpet, according to sources close to the White House.
A shaken White House press secretary Sarah Huckleberry Sanders refused to confirm or deny rumors that the president had once again fallen to his knees and chewed a rug as has been reported in the past.
“The president is in perfect health and has no restrictions whatsoever on his dietary choices,” Sanders mumbled.
It is common knowledge that since childhood Trump has occasionally had temper tantrums in which he threw himself to the floor and gnawed on rugs (usually Persian). The tantrums happened frequently enough to earn him the prep school nickname: ‘Karpetmunchen.’
“Everbody called him ‘Karpet’ for short,” said a former New York Military Academy classmate who requested anonymity because he feared for his life. “Boy, he hated that name.”
illustration by Ray Dougela