New York (eTruePolitics) – Following the federal convictions of ex-aides Bridget Kelly and Bill Baroni on all counts in the bizarre Bridgegate saga, sources close to the Mets said owner Fred Wilpon, an ex-pitcher, was set to knock down the New Jersey governor with a high hard one aimed at his ample head.
Then, according to one team insider, Wilpon planned to tear up Christie’s lucrative contract to become Citi Field’s first traffic cone manager.
“I think it’s fair to say that Fred had questions about the man’s basic integrity as a human being,” said the source before the election of Donald J. Trump. Now the pressure is on Wilpon to cave, and insiders say he will do just that.
“It’s all about situation ethics for Fred,” explained the source. “Look at Madoff. Freddy made money with him!”
“I’m really forward to having dinner with big Chris,” commented Mets’ veteran pitcher Bartolo Colon.
Frank Coffey is the author of the humor books "The Complete Idoit's Guide for Dumies" (Ten Speed Press), "The All Time Baseball Teams Book" (St. Martin's Press), "The Wit and Wisdom of George Steinbrenner (New American Library)," and "The Anti-Everybody Joke Book" (PaperJacks). As an editor, packager and author he has over 200 books on his resume, including four novels; has written for television and film, and been a book, newspaper and magazine editor. His name, Frank Downs Coffey, isn't technically a sentence but close enough.
A spontaneous rally outside a Tallahassee federal prison protesting Trump aide Peter Navarro’s incarceration was dispersed without incident by the Tallahassee police Saturday afternoon. “Neither of them had their hearts in it,” shrugged a patrolman.
Donald Trump has reportedly refused to file a Missing Person’s Search Report for his current wife Melania Knauss Trump with the Florida Department of Law Enforcement. “He just doesn’t want to do anything,” shrugged an aide.
An investigation by the American Internet Research Firm failed to find any nude photos of Marjorie Taylor Greene. “There is a god,” an AIRF researcher told eTruePolitics.
Clarence Thomas will reportedly resign his Supreme Court seat to join My Pillow as Vice-President of Napping. “I’m a fathead and need a firm pillow,” explained Thomas in his lengthiest written statement since joining the Court in 1991.
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