Indigents Welcome New York (eTrueSports) – After enduring weeks of unwanted television coverage showing scores of empty luxury box seats at Yankee games – caused, the team claims, by wealthy fans abandoning their seats to watch big-screen TV’s in high-end restaurants – the Yankees announced ‘The Yankee Seat-Fillers Club’ to tackle the increasingly embarrassing ‘naked […]
Mexico City (eTrueSports) – The Diablo Rojos of the Mexican Baseball League have made Donald Trump a “low-four-figure” offer to become the team’s official mascot, eTrueSports has learned. The move making ‘El Trumpo Grande’ the first-ever South of the Border Gringo mascot was called “nauseating” by Mexican Univision reporter Jorge Ramos.
New Jersey (eTrueSports) Chris Christie rushed to Boston on Friday morning to counsel troubled Red Sox third baseman Padro Sandoval, eTrueSports has learned. “I’m springing for lunch,” said NJ governor.
Boston (eTrueSports) – A just released Harvard Medical School study, using the Standard Beignet IQ test, has found that prolonged exposure to the information ticker (or crawl) on MLB TV’s baseball broadcasts “dramatically reduces” cognitive function across all age and gender groups. “The troubling news,” said Dr. Arnold Rump, the study’s lead researcher, “is […]
STORY UPDATE: Twins win, cancel contract with Cuban pitcher Fidel Castro. “He wouldn’t do windsprints,” said a source close to the now 1-9 Twins. Original story: Minneapolis (eTrueSports) – Capitalizing on the Obama administration’s softening Cuban policy, the winless (0-9) Minnesota Twins announced the signing of veteran right-handed pitcher Fidel Castro. “He’s wily and […]
New York (eTrueSports) -In a surprising turn at a press conference on the eve of his 14th season as a broadcaster, Paul O’Neill calls for hummus ban at Yankee Stadium. “Terrorists eat it,” explained the YES Network announcer and Trump supporter.
New York (eTrueSports) – TNT’s analyst Chris Webber will receive the coveted 2016 Most Muted Award from the US Basketball Fans Association. “It was pointless to wait until the end of the season,” said a USBFA spokesman.
New York (eTrueSports) – In an about-to-be-released press statement, Donald J. Trump will announce a ban on Phil Mickelson at all Trump-owned courses, including those “in Scotland and other foreign countries,” sources told eTrueSports. “Folks, there’s a reason why everybody calls him ‘Lefty’,” Trump reportedly said. “Believe me, Commies don’t make the cut in […]
New York (eTrueSports) – Donald Trump joined Andrew Cuomo today in calling for MMA cage fighting to replace baseball as the country’s National Pastime. “Violence and vulgarity are the best economic generators ever,” said Trump who called baseball “insufficiently savage” and praised the NY Governor for his “morality- free” leadership in pushing for state legalization […]
New York (eTrueSports) – Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz calls on PGA to investigate Masters’ leader and fellow Texan Jordan Spieth for “excess empathy toward his fellow man.”