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Venice, CA (eTruePolitics) – “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” – George Santayana
Two down, one to go.
GIF by Ray Dougela
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Washington (eTruePolitics) – “It’s not everybody who can ignore their conscience,” said Paul Ryan at a Trump Food Court gala publishing party sponsored by the National Rifle Association in honor of the House Speaker’s new book ‘Profiles in Cowardice,’ published by Vile Press, a new Brietbart imprint.
“I am very proud to be called the Trump administration’s bland face of complacency,” said an emotional Ryan. “People kill people with guns and they always have. This is still America.”
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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New York (eTruePolitics) – EXCLUSIVE. With calls for his impeachment growing louder every hour, one of the great pranks in modern political history sent the current president into an epic rage this morning, according to a West Wing source who requested anonymity because he feared for his life.
“People need to know the president is unhinged,” said the source about the previously unreported story.
What we did know is that a little known group of artists/activists calling themselves ‘ArtAct’ adorned Trump Tower early Wednesday morning with a facsimile marquee and for several hours managed to “rebrand” the 5th Ave. building as ‘Treason Tower.’
The protest art amused thousands of New Yorkers on their way to work and enraged the current president who saw “Fox and Friends” coverage of the ‘Treason Tower’ prank and “snapped,” throwing himself on the floor and vigorously gnawing on a Persian rug.
“We call him ‘karpetmunchen’,” said the source. “But it’s sort of not funny when you see it.”
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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New York (eTruePolitics) – Infamous New York buccaneer and current U.S. president ‘Black Soul’ Donnie Trump narrowly escaped capture yesterday in New York City after a confrontation with authorities on the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge which connects the boroughs of Brooklyn and Staten Island.
“The president wouldn’t pay the $16 bucks,” said an unfazed toll taker at the iconic bridge, “So I told him he wasn’t crossing the bridge. He was very agitated. And then he just took off. Zoom! Then the cops go screaming after ’em. And, then explosions are going off all over the place.
Hope no one gets hurt, but rules are rules.”
A source close to NY’s Metropolitan Transportation Authority which operates the bridge, said police are looking into the possibility that a longtime Trump confederate, the shadowy Russian privateer identified as Vladi ‘Dead Eyes” Putin, may have aided the president’s escape by laying down suppressive cannon fire from an off-shore location.
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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New York (eTruePolitics) – Hamilton it’s not – yet anyway – but “America’s Traitors: A Dark Musical” has attracted over $15 million from private investors according to a source close to the Broadway League, the national trade association of the Broadway theater industry. eTruePolitics acquired a sample promotional poster, used in the show’s business plan.
The premise of “America’s Traitors” is that all of the top Trump administration officials are about to be found guilty in various Federal Courts for treason, which carries the death sentence. The officials decide to ‘sing’ (to authorities) instead, hence the blurb: ‘It was all fun and games until they began to sing.’
Potential investors were handed printed posters of “America’s Traitors: A Dark Musical” during the formal solicitation.
“It was the easiest pitch in the history of pitches,” added the Broadway League source.
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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Trump proclaiming ‘Flat Earth Day’ at the White House on April 22nd, 2017.
Washington, D.C. (eTruePolitics) – Following current Environmental Protection Agency chief Scott Pruitt’s announcement that he will repeal the Obama administration’s clean power plant rule, The American Flat Earth Society has withdrawn a speaking invitation at the Society’s 2017 national convention in Tulsa to the former Oklahoma climate-change-denying Attorney General.
“The Flat Earth Society cannot afford to be embarrassed,” said the newly hired “Forever Flat” Society’s spokesman, Sean Spicer.
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Washington, D.C., Columbus, IN (eTruePolitics) – Rumors abounded through Washington today that a “humiliated” and increasingly angry Mike Pence could resign the vice-presidency “really, really soon,” according to a source who requested anonymity because he feared for his life.
The shocking news, which follows a poorly received Pence appearance at an Indianapolis Colts football game, has Pence taking a position with McDonald’s in his home town of Columbus, Indiana as soon as next week, creating an immediate problem for the company’s upper management. Columbus has three McDonald’s but only one famous native son.
“I’m a hard worker but I can’t be in three places at the same time,” an irritated Pence reportedly snapped at senior aides, before learning that a plan will be implemented allowing him to spend mornings at the downtown 3rd St location and then rotate between the franchises on N. National Road and Jonathan Moore Pike.
“This is a dream come true for Mikey,” said one senior staffer, “he loves to drive around. And McDonald’s is a perfect fit.”
“As long as they’re not about sex, dreams are good,” said Pence.
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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AFTER DEMENTED TWITTER FLURRY, WHITE HOUSE SWAMPED WITH CALLS BEGGING TRUMP TO SEEK PSYCHIATRIC HELP
Washington (eTruePolitics) – It’s a movement.
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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Washington (eTruePolitics) – Acting White House press secretary John Bannon (also known as John Miller) was reportedly caught yesterday on tape calling beleaguered Secretary of Health and Human Services Tom Price “a little turd, you wouldn’t believe this guy,” according to White House sources. A boyhood friend of the current president, Bannon/Miller’s comment was the first indication that HHS Secretary Tom Price would soon be fired.
Press secretary Sarah Huckleberry Sanders denied the leaked BM tape “if it exists” implied anything about Trump’s relationship with the now fired Price.
“The President wouldn’t recognize Tom Price if they were in the same room,” said Sanders, who added that the current president had no comment on Bannon-Miller’s description of Price as a “little turd”
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela