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Known as a non-drinker former president Donald Trump has taken up the grape. “Nothing like a coupla glasses of Pinot Aggrievio after a long day of whining,” Trump told eTruePolitics.

Sources close to Rudy Giuliani say the former mayor has abandoned Scotch, his favorite adult beverage, in favor of Subpoena Coladas.

What do you call a Supreme Court Republican of the United States? SCROTUS

The Flat Earth Society expels Ginni Thomas. “We can’t afford to be embarrassed,” says spokesman.

Governor Greg Abbott has signed into law a bill which criminalizes decent behavior of any kind, under any circumstances, within Texas. “Republicans will end decency in the Lone Star State,” vowed Abbott.