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CAMP MUELLER aka GRIFTER GULAG
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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All women are human.
Kirstjen Nielsen is a woman.
Hence, Kirstjen Nielsen is a human.
Not buying it. No one is.
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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“I would cite you to the Apostle Paul and his clear and wise command in Romans 13, to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained the government for his purposes.”
– Jefferson Beauregard Sessions
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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Louisville, KY (eTruePolitics) – Citing the Trump administration’s “grotesque and inhumane” immigration policies, the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church (USA) today voted unanimously to excommunicate the current president of the United States.
“Mr. Trump is not what the Presbyterian Church stands for,” said the General Assembly, the church’s main governing body, in an under-the-radar one-sentence statement.
Religious historians say it is the first time the Presbyterian Church has excommunicated anyone.
“We didn’t excommunicate J. Edgar Hoover,” the Rev. Dr. J. Allison MacRury, a Nova Scotia-based Presbyterian scholar, told eTruePolitics.
“That tells you all you need to know about what Presbyterians think of Mr. Trump.”
There have been eight Presbyterian presidents, including Woodrow Wilson, Dwight Eisenhower and Ronald Reagan, more than from any other religion.
“150 years later we’re still trying to live down Andrew Jackson,” added MacRury about the first Presbyterian president. “By quietly dumping Trump now, they’re hoping people forget he ever had a Presbyterian connection, however tenuous.
“That’s illusionary in my view. We’re stained by Trump for eternity.”
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Venice, CA (eTruePolitics) – Putin next.
GIF by Ray Dougela
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Washington (eTruePolitics) – Paul Manafort’s jailing today is likely to derail his fledgling acting career in low-budget horror movies, according to sources close to the beleaguered former Trump campaign chairman.
“If I’m tossed in the can, I can’t earn a living,” a glum Manafort told Fox & Friends in an early morning interview before being ordered to jail by federal judge Amy Berman Jackson.
The financially strapped Manafort has a supporting role in the Steve Bannon-produced The Godawfulfather franchise.
An upbeat Bannon seemed unfazed at the prospect of losing a key cast member as production is set to begin on Godawfulfather II: The Unraveling.
“We’re aggressively looking for another Sydney Greenstreet lookalike,” said Bannon.
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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ROOMIES
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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Trump Family Values
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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Washington, D.C. (eTruePolitics) – EXCLUSIVE. In his first comments since returning from North Korea, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo angrily denied rumors reported in DC Republican Cuisine magazine that he was part owner of a popular K Street restaurant, The Elephant’s Tusk Grill, which is suddenly featuring a seafood dish called “North Korean Pompeo.”
“We’re doing diplomacy, not selling fish,” snapped Pompeo to reporters.
“That said, at $42 the North Korean Pompeo is the best deal in D.C.”
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela