eTruePolitics – A parody website

21 Jun

HUSBAND UNDER INVESTIGATION, KELLYANNE CONWAY GOES MISSING; NATIONWIDE SEARCH UNDERWAY

Washington (eTruePolitics) – Following press reports that her shady businessman husband, George Conway, has represented a Mexican state-owned oil company, Pemex, accused of bribing Russian officials, occasional Trump spokesperson Kellyanne Conway has disappeared prompting the White House to issue a nationwide alert for the effusive, part-time Trump spokesperson.

“Kellyanne is very fragile right now and the president just wants to know that she’s safe and receiving proper medical care,” said current press secretary Sean Spicer.

“Let me emphasize,” said Spicer, “nothing bad will happen to Kellyanne when she’s finally located.”

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Photo illustration and concept by Ray Dougela

19 Jun

DASVIDANIYA SPICEY? CONCERN FOR SEAN SPICER’S MENTAL HEALTH GROWS

Posted by eTruePolitics | News Stories | 2 comments |

Washington (eTruePolitics) – “The man who lies to himself … loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect, he ceases to love.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky (The Brothers Karamazov)

Sean Spicer has a wife and two children.

Photo illustration by Ray Dougela

19 Jun

LEAVENWORTH-Y? DONALD TRUMP & MIKE FLYNN SAID TO BE PRISON SHOPPING

Posted by eTruePolitics | News Stories | 0 comments |

Washington (eTruePolitics) – Following reports that former Trump national security adviser Mike Flynn’s financial ties to Russia are far greater than previously disclosed, including a $100 billion Saudi Arabian financed nuclear power plant deal, the White House is denying that the current president and Gen Flynn are, essentially, “prison shopping” – in anticipation of guilty verdicts for foreign financial dealings – with the the hope of sharing a cell.

“The idea that Donald Trump will ever spend a night in jail disgusts me,” said White House staffer Kellyanne Conway.

The President has done nothing wrong,” added Conway, who assured journalists – who hadn’t asked – that Trump, “has never attempted to touch any of my private parts.”

Photo illustration by Ray Dougela

19 Jun

DASVIDANIYA SPICEY? EPONYMOUS HERB COLLECTION ABRUPTLY DELETED FROM WHITE HOUSE WEBSITE

Posted by eTruePolitics | News Stories | 0 comments |

Washington, D.T. (eTruePolitics) – With rumors swirling that Sean Spicer will be fired within days, the current White House press secretary’s eponymous herb collection, “Sean Spicer’s Unsavory Spices,” has been unceremoniously removed from the WhiteHouse.gov website.

The special spice collection can still be purchased directly from Mr. Spicer through his personal Twitter account: @seanspicer, but supplies are limited.

Photo illustration by Ray Dougela

19 Jun

OPENING SOON? TRUMP GUANTANAMO

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Washington (eTruePolitics) – In response to press reports that Donald Trump could be facing prosecution for obstruction of justice, the grand opening of Trump Guantanamo, the current president’s latest and apparently last real estate project, has been pushed forward to July 4, 2017, eTruePolitics has learned.

“The President is so appreciative that the FBI wants to make this year’s July 4th celebration one he will never forget,” said ebullient adviser Kellyanne Conway.

“Mr. Trump will definitely have telephone privileges on the 4th so he can talk to the family in Mar-a-Lago. The whole gang will be there!”

Photo illustration by Ray Dougela

19 Jun

“IT WAS ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL THEY BEGAN TO SING” – AMERICAN TRAITORS: A DARK MUSICAL HEADED TO BROADWAY

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New York (eTruePolitics) – Hamilton it’s not – yet anyway – but “America’s Traitors: A Dark Musical” has attracted over $15 million from private investors according to a source close to the Broadway League, the national trade association of the Broadway theater industry. eTruePolitics acquired a sample promotional poster, used in the show’s business plan.

The premise of “America’s Traitors” is that all of the top Trump administration officials are about to be found guilty in various Federal Courts for treason, which carries the death sentence. The officials decide to ‘sing’ (to authorities) instead, hence the blurb: ‘It was all fun and games until they began to sing.’

Potential investors were handed printed posters of “America’s Traitors: A Dark Musical” during the formal solicitation.

“It was the easiest pitch in the history of pitches,” added the Broadway League source.

Photo illustration by Ray Dougela

19 Jun

“LOCK HIM UP” MICHAEL FLYNN, TRUMP’S TRAITOR

Posted by eTruePolitics | News Stories | 0 comments |

Washington (eTruePolitics) – “A good guy?”

Memo to retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, current president Donald Trump’s former national security adviser: It is illegal for retired military officers to take payments from foreign governments. It is traitorous to give aid and comfort to the enemy.

Photo illustration by Ray Dougela.

17 Jun

WANTED FOR TREASON: DONALD “THE PUPPET” TRUMP

Posted by eTruePolitics | News Stories | 4 comments |

Photo illustration by Ray Dougela

16 Jun

“YOU CAN ALL DIE, WE DON’T CARE.” REPUBLICAN HEALTH CARE EXPLAINED

Posted by eTruePolitics | News Stories | 0 comments |

Photo illustration by Ray Dougela

16 Jun

BYE-BYE REINCEY? DEPUTY PRESS SECY JOHN MILLER CALLS REINCE PRIEBUS A “WEENIE” ON LEAKED WHITE HOUSE TAPE

Posted by eTruePolitics | News Stories | 0 comments |

Washington (eTruePolitics) – Acting White House press secretary John Miller is reportedly on tape calling cbeleaguered Trump chief of staff Reince Priebus a “real weenie, you wouldn’t believe this guy.”

It is well known that Miller’s boss, Mr. Donald Trump, hates weakness. A boyhood friend of the current President, Miller is considered a highly reliable telltale for the swirling White House winds. If the tape is verified, Trump himself might as well be telling Priebus not to let the West Wing door whack him on the butt while exiting.

Following leaked reports that Trump has given Priebus until July 4th to “fix the White House mess,” the beleaguered Priebus’s tenure is now being measured in days, and maybe hours.

Deputy press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said Trump denied the leaked Miller tape, if it existed, implied anything about his relationship with Priebus.

“Reince is a fairly close friend, but Mr. Trump has lots of fairly close friends, including John Miller,” said Huckabee Sanders.

Notable for his absence at the press meeting was beleaguered current press secretary Sean Spicer.

When asked about the embattled current press secretary, Sanders said “Sean isn’t around.”

Photo illustration by Ray Dougela

HUSBAND UNDER INVESTIGATION, KELLYANNE CONWAY GOES MISSING; NATIONWIDE SEARCH UNDERWAY

“Kellyanne is very fragile right now and the president just wants to know that she’s safe and receiving proper medical care,” said current press secretary Sean Spicer.

“Let me emphasize,” said Spicer, “nothing bad will happen to Kellyanne when she’s finally located.”

.

DASVIDANIYA SPICEY? CONCERN FOR SEAN SPICER’S MENTAL HEALTH GROWS

Washington (eTruePolitics) – “The man who lies to himself … loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect, he ceases to love.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky (The Brothers Karamazov)

Sean Spicer has a wife and two children.

LEAVENWORTH-Y? DONALD TRUMP & MIKE FLYNN SAID TO BE PRISON SHOPPING

“The idea that Donald Trump will ever spend a night in jail disgusts me,” said White House staffer Kellyanne Conway.

The President has done nothing wrong,” added Conway, who assured journalists – who hadn’t asked – that Trump, “has never attempted to touch any of my private parts.”

DASVIDANIYA SPICEY? EPONYMOUS HERB COLLECTION ABRUPTLY DELETED FROM WHITE HOUSE WEBSITE

Washington, D.T. (eTruePolitics) – With rumors swirling that Sean Spicer will be fired within days, the current White House press secretary’s eponymous herb collection, “Sean Spicer’s Unsavory Spices,” has been unceremoniously removed from the WhiteHouse.gov website.

The special spice collection can still be purchased directly from Mr. Spicer through his personal Twitter account: @seanspicer, but supplies are limited.

OPENING SOON? TRUMP GUANTANAMO

“The President is so appreciative that the FBI wants to make this year’s July 4th celebration one he will never forget,” said ebullient adviser Kellyanne Conway.

“Mr. Trump will definitely have telephone privileges on the 4th so he can talk to the family in Mar-a-Lago. The whole gang will be there!”

“IT WAS ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL THEY BEGAN TO SING” – AMERICAN TRAITORS: A DARK MUSICAL HEADED TO BROADWAY

Potential investors were handed printed posters of “America’s Traitors: A Dark Musical” during the formal solicitation.

“It was the easiest pitch in the history of pitches,” added the Broadway League source.

“LOCK HIM UP” MICHAEL FLYNN, TRUMP’S TRAITOR

Washington (eTruePolitics) – “A good guy?”

Memo to retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, current president Donald Trump’s former national security adviser: It is illegal for retired military officers to take payments from foreign governments. It is traitorous to give aid and comfort to the enemy.

WANTED FOR TREASON: DONALD “THE PUPPET” TRUMP

“YOU CAN ALL DIE, WE DON’T CARE.” REPUBLICAN HEALTH CARE EXPLAINED

Photo illustration by Ray Dougela

BYE-BYE REINCEY? DEPUTY PRESS SECY JOHN MILLER CALLS REINCE PRIEBUS A “WEENIE” ON LEAKED WHITE HOUSE TAPE

Washington (eTruePolitics) – Acting White House press secretary John Miller is reportedly on tape calling cbeleaguered Trump chief of staff Reince Priebus a “real weenie, you wouldn’t believe this guy.”

Following leaked reports that Trump has given Priebus until July 4th to “fix the White House mess,” the beleaguered Priebus’s tenure is now being measured in days, and maybe hours.

Deputy press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said Trump denied the leaked Miller tape, if it existed, implied anything about his relationship with Priebus.

“Reince is a fairly close friend, but Mr. Trump has lots of fairly close friends, including John Miller,” said Huckabee Sanders.

Notable for his absence at the press meeting was beleaguered current press secretary Sean Spicer.

When asked about the embattled current press secretary, Sanders said “Sean isn’t around.”

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“Kellyanne is very fragile right now and the president just wants to know that she’s safe and receiving proper medical care,” said current press secretary Sean Spicer.

“Let me emphasize,” said Spicer, “nothing bad will happen to Kellyanne when she’s finally located.”

.

Washington (eTruePolitics) – “The man who lies to himself … loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect, he ceases to love.” – Fyodor Dostoevsky (The Brothers Karamazov)

Sean Spicer has a wife and two children.

“The idea that Donald Trump will ever spend a night in jail disgusts me,” said White House staffer Kellyanne Conway.

The President has done nothing wrong,” added Conway, who assured journalists – who hadn’t asked – that Trump, “has never attempted to touch any of my private parts.”

Washington, D.T. (eTruePolitics) – With rumors swirling that Sean Spicer will be fired within days, the current White House press secretary’s eponymous herb collection, “Sean Spicer’s Unsavory Spices,” has been unceremoniously removed from the WhiteHouse.gov website.

The special spice collection can still be purchased directly from Mr. Spicer through his personal Twitter account: @seanspicer, but supplies are limited.

“The President is so appreciative that the FBI wants to make this year’s July 4th celebration one he will never forget,” said ebullient adviser Kellyanne Conway.

“Mr. Trump will definitely have telephone privileges on the 4th so he can talk to the family in Mar-a-Lago. The whole gang will be there!”

Potential investors were handed printed posters of “America’s Traitors: A Dark Musical” during the formal solicitation.

“It was the easiest pitch in the history of pitches,” added the Broadway League source.

Washington (eTruePolitics) – “A good guy?”

Memo to retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn, current president Donald Trump’s former national security adviser: It is illegal for retired military officers to take payments from foreign governments. It is traitorous to give aid and comfort to the enemy.

Photo illustration by Ray Dougela

Washington (eTruePolitics) – Acting White House press secretary John Miller is reportedly on tape calling cbeleaguered Trump chief of staff Reince Priebus a “real weenie, you wouldn’t believe this guy.”

Following leaked reports that Trump has given Priebus until July 4th to “fix the White House mess,” the beleaguered Priebus’s tenure is now being measured in days, and maybe hours.

Deputy press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said Trump denied the leaked Miller tape, if it existed, implied anything about his relationship with Priebus.

“Reince is a fairly close friend, but Mr. Trump has lots of fairly close friends, including John Miller,” said Huckabee Sanders.

Notable for his absence at the press meeting was beleaguered current press secretary Sean Spicer.

When asked about the embattled current press secretary, Sanders said “Sean isn’t around.”

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