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Washington (eTruePolitics) – The story began late Tuesday night as rumors spread across Washington that former General Mike Flynn would testify that vice-president Mike Pence was deeply involved in a deal to franchise a chain of Putin Pierogi restaurants across the United States.
Pence, a former McDonald’s employee currently on government business in Washington, D.C, was set to bring both his personal server experience as well as his low-key management style to the deal.
The Putin Pierogi story went viral when current president Donald Trump saw a Fox & Company report on a prank t-shirt, ‘Keep Calm and Lie Like Pence’ t-shirt, purporting to be a show of support for the embattled vice-president. The shirt is yet another Trump-enraging prank from the activists ArtAct. After the Steve Doocey Fox piece aired, Mr. Trump was said to have erupted in a series of profanities called “baroque” by a source who requested anonymity because she feared for her life.
Trump reportedly grabbed for his Android phone and after a brief tussle with outweighed aide Kellyanne Conway tweeted that “WEENIES CALLING THEMSELVES ART ACT (WEAK!) SHOULD BE DESTROYED.” The tweet was deleted three minutes later and replaced with “BOYCOTT DISGUSTING LYING PENCE T-SHIRTS. SAD!” That tweet was also quickly deleted.
“Destroyed is just a word,” said beleaguered WH press secretary Sean Spicer, who added that the president would soon issue an Executive Order banning “T-shirts with lies or hurtful messages” as soon as “Steve (Bannon) can write it up.”
A source close to ArtAct told eTruePolitics that the Pence t-shirts “are selling like crazy.”
Photo illustrations by Ray Dougela
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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Paris (eTruePolitics) – As current U.S. president Donald Trump is about to embark on a Bastille Day visit to France, at the invitation of French president Emmanuel Macron, Parisians showing their displeasure by flocking to the iconic Jardin de Tuileries to visit “Donald Trump: World’s Hugest Asshole,” a massive statue being hailed as the world’s largest temporary public art installation to date.
“Our statue isn’t a political statement,” said a spokesman for ArtAct, an activist artists’ group involved in the installation, “it’s just a fact.”
For an extra $5 visitors can walk to the DT-WLA statue’s top and actually get ‘inside’ the President’s head. “It’s always empty,” a lonely guard observed.
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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Performances daily through 2017 (May be extended)
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Washington (eTruePolitics) – It’s common knowledge that current president Donald Trump doesn’t sleep much.
Less known is when not watching Fox News, Trump is said to obsessed with Vladimir Putin’s new book, “The Extreme Idiot’s Guide to Dictatorship,” according to a source close to the White House who requested anonymity because he feared for his life.
“Trump can’t read,” said the source, “so (Kurt) Schiller and (Steve) Bannon alternate nights reading ‘Dictatorship’ out loud until the president stops sniffing, then they know he’s nodded off.”
Photo illustration and concept by Ray Dougela
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Washington, D.C. (eTruePolitics) – Donald Trump, lead singer? Stay tuned.
“Pull the string and I’ll wink at you, I’m your puppet
I’ll do funny things if you want me to, I’m your puppet”
Donald Trump, current president of the United States, is set to announce the re-release of James and Bobby Purify’s 1966 hit “I’m Your Puppet,” according to Trump adviser Kellyanne Conway.
“The President loved this song from the first time he heard it in grade school,” Conway explained. The new recording features Mr. Trump, singing lead vocals as Lil’ Donnie, backed by legendary session singer Vlad Putin’s haunting falsetto.
“Even though Vlad was the main lead for The Despots – and who doesn’t love The Despots? – I sing lead on ‘Puppet’ because I have the best voice ever,” Mr. Trump wrote in the liner notes for the 45 recording
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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Atlanta (eTruePolitics) – In a daring early Wednesday morning raid, Trump supporters defaced CNN’s Atlanta headquarters according to Atlanta police. The latest blowup between the administration and the cable news organization followed the current President’s recent bizarre tweet urging the network change its name from ‘Fake News CNN’ to ‘FraudNewsCNN!’
White House press secretary Sean Spicer responded by denying the tweet ever happened, while president Trump, in Germany for the G20 economic summit, cheered on his supporters for their late night attack on CNN:
“Vandalism in the defense of liberty is NO VICE,” the current president tweeted later in the morning. “I stand with the BRAVE FREEDOM FIGHTERS who HATE FAKE NEWS, CNN and CHRIS CUOMO who is a WEENIE.”
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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Washington (eTruePolitics) – In a bold diplomatic gesture, current president Donald Trump has invited portly Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un to a private dinner at Trump Grill for “the greatest kimchi stew he’s ever had.”
Trump said that after dinner (“and maybe some porn”) he was certain Kim would renounce nuclear weapons and Hillary Clinton.
“I told you I would be honored to meet Kim, and by golly I’m a man of my word,” Trump said.
“And I’ll probably be criticized for saying this, but the Chairman could lose a few pounds, so I told my chefs to make the kimchi low-cal. Nobody likes fat, unattractive leaders, I can tell you that.”
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Venice, CA (eTruePolitics) – Now with an updated graphic, this eTruePolitics’ story on Trump Guantanamo was first published June 26th, 2017. Today’s arrest and incarceration didn’t surprise the current president; our original reporting:
Washington (eTruePolitics) – In response to increasing speculation that Donald Trump could be facing prosecution for obstruction of justice, the grand opening of Trump Guantanamo, the sitting president’s latest and apparently last real estate project, has been pushed forward to July 4, 2017, eTruePolitics has learned.
“The President is so appreciative that the FBI wants to make this year’s July 4th celebration one he will never forget,” said ebullient adviser Kellyanne Conway.
“Mr. Trump will definitely have telephone privileges on the 4th so he can talk to the family in Mar-a-Lago. The whole gang will be there!”
Photo illustration by Ray Dougela
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